Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
