but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
