Can Purell be used as lube?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize