did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
