The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I stole a fireplace last night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
