I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
