I think my fart just growled at me.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My pussy is not your playground.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
