i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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