First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
