he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
