We named our party play list daddy issues
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
