have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
