There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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