You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
