My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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