My friends, they love my intelligence
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
