So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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