Old men and throwing up are my life now.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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