I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
