ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
