I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
