Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
