if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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