worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
where does the pee come out of this thing
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
they're like a gay fantastic four
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
