i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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