he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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