I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
