You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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