Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
