it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
