i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
