Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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