Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
operation harelip BJ is a go
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
