I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
