you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
