I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
