well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Someone stole a lamp last night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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