why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
