my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
