We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
