Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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