This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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