Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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