Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
