There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
