I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
