Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
