We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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