Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
dude. I can hear the air.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
