You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
well you can't waste a boner
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
