I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
