Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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