I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
