Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
