like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
