I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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