How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
