Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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