First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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