We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
