i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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