Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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