There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
